stay close, don't go

*rolls sleeves up all the way to my arm pits* lets mcfucking talk about this, kids. im sorry this isnt gonna be a fic, but i have a List of Things That Totally Happened After Both Yuuri and Victor Both Got Drunk:

• got banned from a restaurant because it was a no shirt, no service kind of place and also sir could u please stop pouring 80 dollar gravy on your husband’s chest and licking it off
  
• got banned from a restaurant because yuuri wanted to try aerial dancing (u kno the thing they do in the circus with the silk drapes thing) on some expensive ass silk drapes and he was kinda succeeding but it kinda got out of hand when he was doing the splits midair and victor started making out with him rather indecently
• sir i’m going to have to ask you to stop using the modern art centerpiece as a dancing pole, this is a family establishment
• if they get drunk on wine they just turn sultry filthy horny and then it’s lowkey a competition to see who can get the other off under the table wihout anyone really noticing. yuuri is winning only because when victor does it he always has to stop because yuuri is wAY TOO LOUD
• okay, i get it that we’re not supposed to be having sex here, but consider this: i’ll let you arrest us if you win in a dance off, mister officer (this worked exactly once)
• sir, i understand that your husband has an ass out of this world but his ass is not in fact on the menu, so could you place your actual order and please stop trying to bend your husband over the table??
• “YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING AND I HATE YOU BOTH SO MUCH I HOPE YOU TWO DIE IN A HOUSE FIRE AND SLOWLY BURN TO DEATH” - yuri plisetsky, after asking a hangover victor nikiforov to borrow his phone and unlocking it to a picture of yuuri doing a peace sign while sucking victors dick
  
• phichit: yuuri youre late- are you drunk already?
  yuuri: victor opened the minibar
  phichit: youre naked. and having sex. how do you expect to get to the event on time.
  yuuri: im riding there
  phichit: dick riding isnt an actual form of transportation yuuri
  yuuri: if nicki minaj can ride dick bycicle so can i
• two words: twerking competition
• “i didnt know you had that much stamina, yuuri, could i interest you in a foursome?” - christophe giacometti, after borrowing victor nikiforov’s phone and finding all the drunken homemade porn videos victor has on his phone (there were 17 videos on there only from one night)

and i dont even know dude, theres so much more that could happen and all of it is indecent